The Whole Nine Yards

2010-02-04T18:44:00.001+08:00

2009-10-21T01:44:00.001+08:00

*melts*

Be serenaded..

2009-09-28T03:35:00.001+08:00

Gavin Degraw - Belief

2009-08-09T19:41:00.003+08:00

There is so much, so much that I yearn for. My tree diagram is currently a web, but it gets interesting though; as desire meets fulfillment. Belief, makes things real. Makes things feel, feel alright.

I feel a sense of deja vu right there. I remember feeling this way, perhaps forced into this circumstance; I see the similarities. It pushes me, this feeling.. hence the journey of fulfilling it, provides a sense of contentment at the very end. Sigh, I love life.

I guess if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Life could you be a little softer to me? Life could you be more gentle to me?

Somewhere at the back of my head, there is so much time, so little to do.

2009-08-09T06:23:00.007+08:00

I had everything all planned out. Somehow, deep down.. I know things would not have worked out. Being me, I followed my heart, once again.

Because no matter how detail you plan everything, your life would never go the way you want it to be. All you can do, is hope for things to turn out in your favor. There will always be alternatives, new paths for you to go through, of which inevitably creates an opportunity beautifully presented before you.

2009-08-09T05:25:00.003+08:00

Gonna blog again, with a different perspective this time round. Don't expect nonsense like, what I ate for dinner.

2009-07-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

Augustana's Twenty Years.

2009-05-12T13:41:00.000+08:00

Uni of Curtin Or Uni of South Australia?

2009-04-22T00:24:00.000+08:00

We The Kings - Secret Valentine

2009-04-14T02:57:00.006+08:00

A smile from Heaven. =)

As I gaze upon emptiness, I stuff the earphones into my ears and lay down. Picturing Beaches, Picturing Oceans, Picturing Mountains. Capturing Serenity. So real, seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours.

An escape.

Only God sees the Heart.

2009-04-10T15:44:00.001+08:00

Matthew 7:16 - You will know them by their fruit. Grapes aren't gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles.

2009-03-26T03:30:00.002+08:00

Enlightenment.

I've gained.

2009-01-18T18:01:00.010+08:00

Looking back, I personally have to say that I truly appreciate my past, what I did, whom I did it with, and all that's in that aspect.

I gotta say I'm glad I was brought up the way im brought up.

I'm glad I was introduced to the world of mamak stalls. Mamak stalls, i'm speaking dirty as hell mamak stalls, not the ones you see with air cond, or nice looking furnitures. Simply sitting down, with a cup of 'teh tarik' and chatting is enjoyable. Did it almost every single day. Still am.

I'm glad I went to the CyberCafe eversince I was twelve. CounterStrike brought me joy like nothing else, it still does occassionally. Having to go to school and just chat throughout the whole day, without listening to whatsoever lessons that was being taught was bliss. The bullshit, the laughters, the company. It all made me a happy person. Really happy.

I'm glad I did not give a shit about people around me. As to what they do, I meant. Those that studied their hearts out, hats down to you. I enjoyed my years.

I'm glad I never did my homework, skipped school or was never on time for school. I get bored easily. And I hate cracking my head up for something I do not enjoy(though, I don't have a choice sometimes). I mean that's me, but thankfully with that being apart of me; I am who i am today. I am doing what i am doing today. And, it feels great.

I'm glad that FuaChyeJun and I argued with the principal, as if he owed us something. Ha Ha Ha. The one, where we lined six chairs together and sleep, the minute we entered class. Or where, we planned to go to school at 10. Or the one where we stole chicken from the canteen, not because we couldn't afford; but because we wanted to. Because the MakCik was stuck up. Or the three of us having daily strolls around school, for 'sight seeing'.

I've gained so much. So much, it's not expressable. It all made me, shaped how i am today. And discover what I actually enjoy in Life, (People and Surprises) I love the fact that I do not have to live my life as if it was a routine. By routine, I don't mean waking up - brushing teeth. You know where I'm heading. I'm speaking, waking up with something on my mind. Something exhilarating. Of course, there were moments of frustrations, depression, and every synonymous word for sadness. But God and the people around me, closes that part. Life is Good.

It's crazy.

2009-01-17T18:11:00.007+08:00

What is success?
Is it being DOCTOR Muthusamy?
You have to be a Doctor, engineer and all that shit to show you have "bigger" brains.

Hi aunty, I cook for a living. I'm useless.

WHATTHEHELL?

Next in line, you're a misfit to others?
Please, do us all a favor by slapping yourself. Better yet, dip some shit on some curry for dinner. It ain't a free world anymore, it's a competition rather.

BULLSHIT.

Day in day out, we hear people, doing amazing things. Here we are, chasing some stupid ambition that separates us from reality.

We try and try, yet we end up with the same old shit - "failure". Hardly worth an ovation from a 3 year old down syndrome kid, yet we pat ourselves on the back. Our abilities somewhat mocks our intended will. Face the fact, we all want to be great at the things we do. We want the world to know that we are fucking talented. But, not everyone makes the cut.. So it's okay to fail once in a while, after all we are but humans. Sometimes, quitting is an option. Ignorance is key. You have won one battle.

2009.

2009-01-05T02:44:00.003+08:00

I'll be there. But this time, I'm for the prize.
No, the objective shall not differ.
Motivation is what gets me started, Habit is what keeps me going.
Persistence shall be there.
I'll be on top.

2009-01-03T14:39:00.003+08:00

~regrets make you old, and bitterness poisons the people around you.

~ Most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by. But sometimes, the moment stuns as it happens. And we know in this instance, it's more than a series of image. And we know that every part of it, will live on forever.

And the battle against boredom continues.

2009-01-02T11:57:00.002+08:00

WoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooHhhhhhhhh.

Happy New Years Everyone =))

Business Statistics, is such a pain. the probability of finding this dog is 1/3 this cat, so where's the horse? I'm like WHATTTT?!! Enough lah, have mercy on me :(:(

Jon Mclaughlin's beautiful disaster is too bloody addictive, I sing it in class. And the person beside me hits me ha ha ha.

O yeah, Dawn Yang the blogger is real fineee. www.xanga.com/clapbangkiss. Despite her surgeries, at least it worked for her :)

Foundation is about to end and fellow coursemates are gonna depart, to further tertiary studies. Though it's been real great having you guys as company. As we shared our laughters, and joy. I really thank all of you. But it's not goodbye, okay?

KarynLee, Jonathan Khoo, Low Pak Kah, Stephanie Lim, Ken, all fellow 3.3's and 3.1's and overall, the whole foundation. Thank you for your company. God Bless.

Star $

2008-12-31T01:27:00.001+08:00

Done with Mid Terms =)

A lovely song.

2008-12-27T02:49:00.001+08:00

Caught in confusion..

2008-12-23T19:14:00.002+08:00

~ for, the best achievement in life, is when you achieve greatness doing something you love.

2008-12-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

A friendster testimonial

2008-12-11T03:40:00.003+08:00

okay chong beng, because it's 3.22 am and you're freaking lifeless to actually suggest reading each other's testimonials, i'm actually going to do something even better. i will write you one. the first proper one i ever wrote for you does not count simply because i was just trying to be nice. not gonna mince my words now. well, you've put on a lot of weight! ahahahaha! and, you're nice (: entertaining as well, which is why you've to remind me to never sit beside you if i actually want to pay attention during lecture. you're kinda gay too, since you love hsm so much. but, i'll still be your friend despite your weird taste. anywaaaaay, i'll try not to state the obvious, but i'm glad you're in tbs or else i think die already laaahh. cos you know right, you're my kind of people, if you know what i mean. bye joel ccb, may i find true love. not a typo, it's may i find.

love,
me.

Aww.

Nandos and Aimless Chats

2008-12-03T03:25:00.010+08:00

As i am doing this post, i crack myself up. Ha Ha Ha. ChunJui, Karyn and I decided to go out for dinner. The scenario - they both live in Subang; while I stay in Kepong. I managed to persuade the both of em to come down to 1Utama for Nandos, when there are 2 outlets in Subang itself haahahaa. Well, what can I say; people love me hahaahha! No, for real. Persuading is in my blood =P. To be honest, I actually did them a favour; cause to them 1Utama is like Disneyland. They only have Pyramid there ;p

They reached - Karyn called and asked me to meet them in the MIDDLE of 1Utama -.-

CJ said Subang's Nandos ain't that nice, so blessing in disguise lah! Plus, it was bonding session whatt! =p

Super Hot sauce, yet so salivating.

The free sausages we got. 2 bowls of these.. Thanks to our cunning minds.

Peri Chips, Mediterranean Rice, and 1/2 Extra Hot Peri Peri Chicken. Yum!

We ate and chat for approximately an hour and a half. Then, we were figuring out what to do next! They kept cursing me

"Joel, you made us come all the way here and you ask us what to do!?" hahaa.

Chun Jui and Karyn

Karyn and myself

Then, we walked around till it was 11+
Shops were all closed but we were in the complex talking aimlessly on some couch LOL.

Overall a nice night of chats, you gotta admit that right!

Liars =p

two videos!

2008-12-01T04:07:00.004+08:00

2008-11-28T03:46:00.000+08:00

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

Langkawi DAY 1 AND 2.

2008-11-21T21:07:00.022+08:00

Right after Finals, went for some foosball, then to Pyramid for Madagascar 2. Badminton, later on.. Then, it was Taylor's Business School to catch the bus to Langkawi. Where I sat beside Karyn, and she got all frustrated cause I was consistently Listening to "gay" songs. hahaha. Total 7-8 hours trip. But we were entertained throughout, somehow.

Waiting for the Ferry.

CABLE CAR

Cable car mates were Karyn, CJ, Jonathan.

View from cable car.

All smiling

Cause I sat beside a Hot Japanese hahaa.

PakKah and Karyn.

At the top.

On the way down, sat beside a Hot white girl =D

Free lunch, outside the Hotel.

Eagles, soaring..

So beautiful

Admiring them, eagles.

Lye Kuan And Karyn

Chun Jui and Chuan Huat

Hariz, Captain of Langkawi Five hahaah.

Karyn, with my sunnies.

The Beach.

Gambled, where I lost money -.-

Then, it was Bat Cave.

Going in..

Jonathan, Chuan Huat, Karyn, Ken.

Chuan Huat, Ken.

Lunch at some stupid restaurant, where Karyn and I walked out cause of its poor service.

The beach, after dinner.

Underwater World.

Storytelling time.

Our Hotel

Waiting for the bunch, to head for dinner.

My Wife, and son hahaah.

CJ and I admiring...

Ahh.. That smile just brings sunset to one's soul..

Day 3 coming up..

UPDATESOON.

2008-11-04T20:05:00.001+08:00

soorryy for the lack of updates, as my finals are next week..

2008-10-09T21:28:00.002+08:00

Lucas Voiceover:-

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

~one tree hill

2008-10-09T21:24:00.001+08:00

"I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul"

~ onetreehill

May Angels Lead You In

2008-10-05T00:24:00.004+08:00

Completed OTH season 2 and all I can say, is simply just WOW. The cast is too influencial, and I have been neglecting my need for sleep cause of this series.. It's too addictive. I've never been so into a show before.. As cliche as it is, OneTreeHill completes me hahah (: To sum up season II, it's all Brooke and Lucas. Touched :(

Here's a video with one of the nicest song that was used in this season by JimmyEatWorld.

Season 3 soon to be in my hands.. muahahahahah.

slipped away

2008-10-01T11:20:00.003+08:00

In line with the Krabi trip, Dad can't make it; due to a certain mishap. Tickets have been bought; thus there's an extra, and we decided to give Vinod a trip (: Even extended an extra day there, and apparently our Hotel is rather Famous. Something to look forward to.

Watched two movies in a row, Connected and EAGLEEYE. Must I say, Connected is watchable, but EagleEye was a head over, Good.

stalker girlfriend (:

2008-09-14T22:08:00.004+08:00

Okayyy? I can access your blog (: Because you left it unsigned out in my laptop. I can fool around now :P Muahahahaha. Hope you had a fun trip down to JOHOR love. Loved your company today and I felt so relieved that you're back. Been missing you :( And you're a nutcase as always, skipping college tomorrow! Grrr. Have fun with you cousins at 1U. Gah, I know you will. As long as your butt is not in college, you are GLAD, I know.

Love you,
skinny legs :D

With all my love,
your stalker girlfriend.

you piss me off.

2008-09-12T19:25:00.004+08:00

Until you face your consequences, i'm not accepting nor forgiving. Put your actions where your mouth is, please thanks bye.

Worst ever.

2008-09-09T16:09:00.002+08:00

So.. the long anticipated day - ACCOUNTING exam came. As expected, I think It'll probably be the most excruciating, 1 hour I will ever face. When the paper arrived, I went 'shit. here it is.' True enough, it sucked. I think to most people, it did too. Especially Steph(the one who's vain but putting the blame on others) who was complaining after coming out haha.

However, it really doesn't bother me. To those who questioned me, whether i'm fine etc.. I really DONT CARE. lol.

Thank God for Music.

Tuning in to Secondhand serenade - Fall For You

My Laguna Beach - Krabi Island

2008-09-07T14:49:00.005+08:00

My dad said, we're going for a vacation early December. As pumped as i was, He told us, we're going to an Asian country; I was like 'CHEH'. haha, I know i'm rather judgmental. Later on, we're informed that we're going to Krabi Island in Thailand. Was not too happy about it, knowing it's Thailand!. As my parents goes on and on about how beautiful it is, I was like 'BAH. THAILAND.' But no, I was proven dead wrong the minute i saw the pictures... See for yourself.

Such clearness.

at sunset.

Ahh.. Finally, an escape to somewhere blissful. Bringing a whole sense of 'peace' upon me. Speaking of this, I'm starting to feel like I'm in Laguna Beach already. Literally. Hah.
Can't wait!.

Surprisingly, with midterms on the way; I feel no pressure. Probably, because I've become so immuned to the subjects; it has made me subconscious.

Just plain absurd.

2008-09-06T14:20:00.011+08:00

These days, I've been encountering several inevitably blockheaded moments, where I can just stare into empty space, literally. Either people these days are getting senseless and lacking common sense. THAT. Or I'm just smarter; but then again, adults themselves are not that of a 'smart'. Not to be big headed or anything but really, I can't take it.

For instance, my mum came up to us ( my brother and i ) saying:
'we're going out to eat, what you all wanna eat?.'
'Bullrun', we answered(a western cuisine near my housing area)
Then she goes, just ate last week, so expensive.

Before she goes on and on about how she used to eat chicken once a month when she was our age, we chose to shut up. Okay fine, you choose. She brought us all the way to a mamak stall. Please take note, a MAMAK STALL. That costs a bomb, and both my brother and I can just stare at each other and shut up.

Okay, first of. You asked us where we wanna eat. When we gave you an answer, you declined. Why bother asking in the first place?!?. Then, you say that it's too expensive, and bring us to a mamak stall that's more expensive. WHATTHEHELL. It's similar to saying 'chicken chop expensive' ; 'mee goreng cheaper'; but in this case, it's the total opposite!

.....

The other day, while I was waiting for my bus to pick me up; I sorta started a conversation with this malay girl because I saw her doing her assignment with question marks on her face. She told me that the video she was looking for, was really hard to find. So I helped her look for it ( in her laptop). Then, she suddenly told me, that she doesn't even like business, what more Accounting(her current major).

Then I asked,

Kenapa buat kalau tak suka?
Bapa suruh buat, buat je lah. Sebenarnya saya dari dulu suka interior design.
Pastu kenapa tak buat?
Tak tau lah, bapa suruh buat accounts, buat je lah. Dia cakap accounting 'better future'
Kalau kerja nanti, tak suka macam mana?
Tukar interior kot.

In my mind, i was like : please say you're kidding me.

I almost died listening to her, I took out the miracle worker, ipod. For the love of God, you are going to study something you don't like for three whole years( considering it's her first year ). THEN, you're going out to do something your father chose for you.
You are the one going to work, little
girl.. Not your dad =S

And for all you know, you're gonna be looking back regretting, thinking 'I should have done interior', striving for something you don't enjoy, and receiving a decent paycheck(interior may offer more) at the end of the day, You think it's worth it?. Even if you really actually change your course after GODKNOWSHOWLONG, you might be in your forty's then. Time to wake up daddy's girl, I think it's about time you grow up.

Omyshit lah, I'm done ranting.
So stupid can die.
Seriously, honestly.
GOD HELP THEM.

Indecisive

2008-08-26T20:17:00.009+08:00

I've been going back and forth, in the mind between what should I pursue during my tertiary studies. Though, there's still time; i'd really like to consider them now. My options are ranged between Marketing and Finance. Accounts is a NO. Should i do both?. Then again, I hate numbers, plus I can't imagine myself sitting down on a damn chair, till my ass grows hair; 10 hours a day. I'll die seriously. But my interest is widely more towards Marketing alone. I strongly believe in, doing something you enjoy. I wouldn't want waking up everyday, gazing into something I don't want to do. Funnily, there was a time where I was thinking of Mass Comm, cause I love the language <3. Say comparatively, I've learnt much in general. ____________________________________________________________________

She thought for a second. "It's not that I believe everything happens for a reason," she said. "It's just that...I just think some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is."

I somehow, find peace in you.

HORRENDOUS.

2008-08-16T16:55:00.005+08:00

Note the title.

WEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll.

It has been the worst of the worst, this week. I finally got to experience FAINTING. Went to the gym without eating, after much warning from my brother, I was stubborn. sigh. After the so intensed workout, I came out looking for the water dispenser and ran towards it. ONTHEWAY, I saw nothing and just lost a hold of myself; thus fainted. Thank God a guy spotted me, and bought me water. That was when I realized, kindness still exists.

Then, I thought that was it.. The following day, I had a fever. then it was flu. Then sore throat. And right now, the sore throat is excruciating. It's similar to 203300199300 crows, pecking on your throat. I've been eating food and beverages from prison. Then, steamboat for a college mate's bday - which was no joy. Every time I swallow is like, A bullet through my head.

But the worst, is knowing that someone that you looked up to once before. So high. Failed you. Even worse, because of his betrayal, a huge turnover occured. I'll always remember.

ONALIGHTERNOTE.

I tried COKE+SALT. IT worked. I know, you can call me Einstein. I still don't know why it works. Best part is, I drank it cold.

I like The OC's theme song. But OTH one's better. And I want One Tree Hill season four. Anyone, please lend? I'm too lazy to download.

AND. I'm addicted to the song by Alex Band(The Calling) - Take Hold Of Me.

2008-08-10T20:35:00.001+08:00

Always persevere, for it is worth it. When everything seems to be against you at life, always take note that a brighter day is ahead. Patience is key. GOD never fails.

happy birthday!

2008-08-06T21:14:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO VINOD, THE GUY WHO HAS NEVER FAILED BEING A FRIEND/BROTHER/SISTER (:, FOR THE MORAL VALUES YOU'VE SHOWN; I'VE LEARNED. LISTENING TO MY RANTS AND ALL THAT, VICE VERSA FOR ALMOST A DECADE NOW. GOD BLESS YOU.

I enjoy solitude

2008-08-02T18:47:00.002+08:00

If you want to take a chance
And try to make things right
You better have a reason to be loved
We all want something more
And it is worth fighting for...

awakening

2008-07-22T01:28:00.007+08:00

Went to some hill in Ampang.. Quite cooling and overal a scenery of the whole KL. yes KL. Boredomm

Double dates

too lazy to go into detail, sorry

_____________________________________________

"WHY so serious?
Lets put a smile on that face."

Watched The Dark Knight twice, cause it was just too damn good. The Joker lingers in one's mind...

Second semester started, and it's preety laid back this first week, so i'm enjoying it :) Everything's good. However, considering Accounting II in the syllabus; I think i'm gonna start growing grey strands of hair.

You cannot run away from weaknesses, you must fight it out.
Or perish.

~ One Tree Hill

=)

2008-07-20T23:35:00.001+08:00

Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world...or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives. For better...or worse.

~Lucas Scott of One Tree Hill

HUH!?!?! / TAGGED BY SHAWN.

2008-07-16T08:49:00.005+08:00

A video to get you watching ;)

*on the way for breafast*

mum : what you wanna eat?
me : western
mum : whats wrong with you ah? everytime western western western.
me : i don't feel like eating chinese
mum : Don't despise chinese, you're a chinese yourself.
me : HUH!?!??! Just because i dont eat chinese, i despise chinese la.

WTH?!. Come to think of it, I tend to eat western a lot. Even at mamak stalls. O well. Maybe i'm american, or even better an australian. ha ha ha :S

___________________________________________________________________

Starting Time : 1925

Name: Joel Chuah

Sisters: -
Brothers: 1
Shoe size: 10
Height: 5'9

Where do you live:
Bandar Menjalara, where cool people come from.

Favourite drinks: The orange juice
Favourite breakfast: A sandwich?

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes
Swam in the ocean: Yes
Fallen asleep at school: hahahhaahhaa. good question (:
Broken someone's heart: yeah, once. lol
Fell off your chair: Yes
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call:
Yeah.
Saved e-mails: wth?

What is your room like: it's like uhm. A guy's room.
What's right beside you: Pringles lol.
What is the last thing you ate: Pringles
Ever had chicken pox: yes
Sore throat: omyshit..
Stitches: no
Broken nose: no

Do you believe in love at first sight:
Not really, but to some extend I do.
Like picnics: nah
Who was the last person you danced with: Melissa
Last made you smile: Friend on a phone
You last yelled at: Mama.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: yeah
Kissed anyone: yeah
Get sick: no
Talk to an ex: no
Miss someone: yeah, honestly. A friend.
Eat: yes
Best feeling in the world: to visit niagara falls one fine day.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: I still do, a teddy bear (:
What's under your bed: Plugs?
Who do you really hate: shut up..
What time is it now?: 1932

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: yeah
Do you have any siblings: yes
Do you want children: yes
Do you smile often: yes
Do you like your hand-writing:
I don't bother lol
Are your toe nails painted: no
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: anyone

What color shirt are you wearing now: red
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: went out for dinner?
I can't wait till: I finish downloading laguna beach season 2 :D
When did you cry last: of bullshits. few days back.
Are you a friendly person: yeah, i hope.
Do you have any pets: yeah my brother :)
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?:
no idea..
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: yes

Do you sleep with the TV on?: no
What are you doing right now?: doing this stupid shit
Have you ever crawled through a window?: yes
Can you handle the truth?: Yes and No.
Are you too forgiving?: I dont easily forgive
Are you closer to your mother or father?: Mother
Who was the last person you cried in front of?:
Melissa
How many people can you say you've really loved?:
two :S

Do you eat healthy?: Sometimes?
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: no
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: never did.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: Friends
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: I’m not both
Are you confident?: Sometimes

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
(i) Schooling
(ii) Doing unnecessary school homework
(iii) Playing with toys
(iv) Football
(v) Eating like crap

5 things on my to-do list today:
(i) Call a friend
(ii) Watch more laguna beach
(iii) trash thira's and ashwin's ass in a game (:
(iv) the rest is done
(v) -

5 snacks I enjoy:
(i) Pringles
(ii) Oreo
(iii) -
(iv) -
(v) -

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
(i) Spend the shit outta myself
(ii) Travel
(iii) Spend.
(iv) Spend.
(v) Invest :)

5 of my bad habits:
(i) Procastinate
(ii) I dream a lot. A LOT.
(iii) Checking out chicks in front of my gf ? lol.
(iv) I tease people
(v) Just plain LAZY.

5 people to tag:
(i) vinod
(ii) melissa
(iii) melanie
(iv) karyn
(v) thira

GOTCHA =pPp

2008-07-15T15:34:00.003+08:00

I hate to say this, but I think My Girlfriend is obsessed with my ass. HAHA. =D

Of boring afternoons...

2008-07-14T10:23:00.007+08:00

AS I WAS LYING BORED, I WAS THINKING OF PICKING UP A TV SHOW. HENCE, I CAME TO CONCLUSION...

aahahhaahhaha. I know, unexpected. Okay, I'll cut the crap. I'm not into the show, lol. There's no story. BUT. My eyes are feasting on...

hahahahahaha.
k, let me introduce you to my new girlfriend.
Her name is Kristin Cavallari

Okay i'll be fair. Girls can go can feast on...

Stephen Colletti

ahhaha. sorry, small picture =p

Awwh..

(=

And i thought it existed.

2008-07-13T11:05:00.003+08:00

I'm tired and I give up, for good.

Paradise.

2008-07-05T01:31:00.004+08:00

Exams are OVER. Holidays 2 weeks. I'm gonna be the biggest jakun, going anywhere and everywhere, doing anything and everything. PARADISE.

Karyn and I playing foos, after our last paper. She asked me to teach. And she scored 3 own goals. So much for a fast learner =p. She's "inferior good" when it comes to foosball. Eh wait, she's inferior good, literally. (:

I almost got into a huge accident. I actually SLEPT. Eyes shut for like 5 secs and I lost control of the car a little bit. I woke up, feeling traumatized, praying for nothing to happen to the car. And nothing happened; praise the Lord =)

Note to self : Don't DRIVE WHEN DROWSY

This Morning, someone from some phone company called me, saying, her company is doing a survey and asked whether I could answer some questions. Being me, Mr. Nice guy, as always; I said okay. She kept asking me questions, it went like this.

Phone person: What do you think of sms? and there were options; where she literally used verbally! ( A for this B for this C for this D for this)

And i answered like 20 of those with ABCDABCDABCD. I could not take it anymore, thus i asked.

Me: Excuse me, May i ask how many more questions ah?

Phone person: erm 20 - 30 more .

*SLAMS PHONE*

Crazy shit.

CINABENG SUBJECT.

2008-06-30T12:51:00.003+08:00

As i was facing my accounts paper today, i already expected the unexpected. I was like David facing Goliath; however the part that differs though, was the ending.

College

2008-06-29T12:29:00.004+08:00

Entrepreneur

Karyn The fat chick.
Eh!
I meant cheeks
hahaahahah =PppPp

Finals are tomorrow, yet here i am about to go out soon. Accounts sucks. Or maybe, i just suck at it. I don't get how people do it so quick. Hell, I don't know how accountants DO IT FOR LIFE. Credit debit credit debit income statement, balance shit. SIGH. Bring me to marketing NOW. O well, i'll take it as a hurdle. Anyway, 5 more days to PARADISE. And that is a damn beautiful word.

listen and be serenaded :)

2008-06-27T15:00:00.001+08:00

(: (=

It only takes one person. Always will.

2008-06-20T07:44:00.006+08:00

__________________________________

THE DINNER

Happy birthday Sweetie :)

YOUR ABSENCE IS FELT :(

2008-06-05T21:48:00.011+08:00

Taylors Business School had "Young Entrepreneurs Day" today (5/6/08). Basically, it's for business students to practice their Marketing skills? i dont know. Money goes to charity. Each class has to open a stall, with ideas on what to sell. When i reached college, Jonathan told me that they are having this "Pro evolution soccer" (PS2) competition. I was like woahhhhh, and joined for 10 bucks(that's one). Best part was, I got kicked out, first round on penalties -.- what was i thinking ?!. Anyways, Our theme was "football", so we wore jerseys. We sold food food food food, drinks drinks, twister lmao. And we named them according to football players, "Lampard's rojak, Beckham's twister, Drogba's fishballs, etc etc". Something like that hahaha. Marketing is in class 1.3's blood man.. Then, Class 1.1 did this dunking machine, and i couldn't resist as I could choose Karyn to be the victim. I was given 5 balls to throw. And i kept on missing. In the head, I was thinking to myself "You Idiot, 5 bucks for this shit". However, that all changed when I threw the fourth Ball hahahaha. Watching her fall straight down into the tub of water STRAIGHT ON THE ASS. woooooooooooooh dayummmmmm. ORGASMIC. :D Sorry la Karyn, Im still your bestfriend right? doesn't matter if you ain't anyways :P

"Karyn, your ass is grass!"

THATSTHESHIT.

_________________________________________

She came back from Singapore last night, and i couldn't stand it but to drive over to see her.. Went to Curve, till 1+ in the morning, walking around aimlessly, eventhough nothing was open hahaha..Honey, your absence was felt :( I Missed her more than i thought i would. Can't bear not having my bestfriend around to talk to. No more after this please!

Baskin Robbins, where we shared the ice cream, and I chose a flavour that tasted like Durian -.- BYTHEWAY.
Mel bought me a gift from Singapore, and guess what.

UNDERWEAR!

Super gila babi nothing to say man.

I quote Melanie : Sanguine for life.

2008-06-04T08:56:00.007+08:00

Feeling all sentimental, I prayed. Asking Him to be upon us, to hold us hand in hand. I have decided to be optimistic and have a different outlook on Life, as it means so much more . As my heart unfolds, I trully mean it when i say I Love You.

I shall hear your voice,
And read your so soft and tender letters,
Forever my dear, forever for life,
I shall have much more than a soft spot for you.

2008-06-01T13:00:00.003+08:00

forgetting all im lacking,

completely incomplete
i'll take your invitation
you take all of me.

Yet another ..

2008-05-24T15:35:00.016+08:00

No money No honey. (:

hahahaa. I kinda stole 2 bananas from the cafeteria for mel and myself. I thought it was free, but it actually costs 60 cents each. Well, too late =P.

I miss those nights..
_____________________________________________________

Lecture hall.

Lectures are always nice with Karyn i gotta admit, cause we trash talk all the way, shooting each other grammatically and I always win right, Karyn? :D. Plus, her brains are iron man made, so i'll ask and she'll explain :) Econs lecture ended early yesterday, so i challenged her to a game of Pool.

Karyn
Joel

I'll whoop your ass so bad, you'd wish you never played pool. You better get a religion Karyn, at least by praying you have a little hope.

Shut up joel. She said something i forgotten.

I talk in the game.

I talk the talk and I walk the walk.

True enough, I killed her. But she won me in the 2nd game, as i was distracted lah(REALLY). And i won the 3rd game again =)

O yeah, by the way She says i often judge people (judgmental), and to be honest, i kinda admit I am. However, I always tend to judge them right (:

_____________________________________________________

To the girl that is everything to me.
Happy wonderful 4 months sweetie..
I love you!

turning to The Jonas Brothers - When you look me in the eyes

2008-05-18T13:12:00.004+08:00

Forget your head, and listen to your heart
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back
Because, the truth is there is no sense living without this
To make the journey and not fall deeply in love
You have to try, because if you haven't tried,
You haven't lived.

Centered and true.

2008-05-15T18:11:00.012+08:00

For more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause

College so far, has been dreadful yet perplexed. It's hard to look at everyone and know that "they are not the one", if you get what i mean. I'm either indecisive, or i have high expectations; oh well, I'll find them; I hope. Consequently, I caught American Idol last night and David Cook's "Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot and "I don't wanna miss a thing"by Aerosmith was, Dayummm. His journey is kinda inspiring as well.. Hopefully, Archuleta doesn't steal the win with the help of female fans though.

2008-05-12T02:33:00.001+08:00

I crack myself up.
That's why i ain't there.

More than the world has got to offer.

2008-05-10T12:41:00.008+08:00

i was made an entrepreneur. :)

You know sometimes at life, you get uncertain about things. Then, you'll start looking around, following them blindly. And then, you realize that you've made the worst choice. Subsequently, It's always nice to have your own principles. Screw peer pressure. When you find everything is against you at life, it only means a brighter day is ahead. Personally, i've experienced such, and therefore i dare say, always take your time at whatever you want to do. Patience is key! Follow your heart, always. Life's too short to be somebody else.

Sooner than it seems, life turns around.

2008-05-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

Perhaps, I'm envious.

On fire

2008-04-27T20:11:00.018+08:00

With Karyn.

Before the sleepover
After the sleepover

Watched "Over Her Dead Body"
Caught the movie with Mel today, and it turned out to be much better than expected; as Melissa was laughing throughout, and i was there, laughing at her laugh hahaha. Cliche, but overall a nice movie, with a touch of both love and comedy.

As hope seeps in, so tangible. I wake up, realizing it's just a dream.

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the only hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

- Switchfoot's "On Fire"

serenity...

2008-04-10T00:08:00.005+08:00

Subconsciously, with everything on my back; i shut myself and ponder into tranquility. I feel Calm.

22nd January

2008-04-07T18:04:00.012+08:00

We went for dinner at Gurney Drive, Gardens. Average food, with a touch of tropical feel to the place. The place brought back memories; and as i look back, i feel like tearing. Besides this, college has been good, and presentation's tomorrow. However, i am not complaining; as i am enjoying the lifestyle, plus; I love the system. God has been good lately, despite some helpless matter, that's yet to be solved. I'll continue to have faith. All glory to Him.

Patience pays off

2008-04-03T18:11:00.004+08:00

Love you Baby =)

When it alters me

2008-03-30T18:33:00.009+08:00

As i realize, i came to know that despite anything and everything that's great; there's always a down side to it. I may not be perfect, but at least i know i'm true to myself. I don't fake myself in what I do, and i dont give in to peer pressure or the society for that matter; I look up to myself for that. I show my emotions, and they're preety obvious, but at times it's best I keep these feelings to myself, as i wouldn't know how aggravating these thoughts can be to the ones that love me. It may not be the healthiest thing, but i know it's for the best. Consequently, I'm sorry for saying horrendous things which ain't true; as i was not thinking straight. I'm sorry. Don't worry, in no time, I'll be lifting my head up high again.

Dare to be different.

2008-03-29T03:23:00.007+08:00

There's this girl, Karyn her name. She managed to influence me to skip my class(Malaysian Studies) just to teman her la right. But right, she doesn't want to admit i'm awesome. But then right, she knows i am la. =D

2008-03-26T21:33:00.003+08:00

Love is not love which alter when an alteration finds, when life gets hard and when things change, true love remains the same.

She differs

2008-03-23T20:54:00.004+08:00

her presence
her laugh
as she cares
her attentiveness
her cute little comments
her smile
her touch
her scent
our alike minds
when shes grumpy
when shes loud
the sight of her
the feminine her
the kiddish her
her petty advices
her love...

The little details i take into consideration, she stands out among the rest. As she will continue to shine bright in my heart.

I love you, Baby =)

Taylors Coll

2008-03-22T00:10:00.008+08:00

College has been good lately, besides the one week orientation, which i practically skipped the whole thing =p. The fact that i get to spend my time with Mel is really ecstatic. It's fortunate enough, that I get to see her every single day, something i'll never ever get bored of. However, i've just been assigned to my class, which is quite a good class. Hopefully the workload, won't be much trouble though.

2008-03-19T19:41:00.002+08:00

ehh! one at a time. Geez =p

I'll have the last laugh

2008-03-19T19:18:00.003+08:00

bombarded by peers,

i'll stand strong,

contradicting the wrong values,

having the last laugh in the end.

Tagged

2008-03-17T01:24:00.004+08:00

- You -
First Name - Joel
Nickname -joel
Name you wish you had - JOEL
What do people normally mistake your name as - joel
Birthday - 17th July 1990
Birthplace - KL
Time of Birth - dont bother
Single or taken - Taken
Zodiac sign - Cancer

-Your Appearence-
How tall are you - 17+
Wish you were taller - 2 inches more
Eye color - dark brown
Eye color you want - light brown
Natural Hair color - black
Current Hair color - dark light brown
Short or long hair - Short
Ever dye your hair a bizarre color - No
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair - never
Glasses or contacts -contacts
Do you wear make-up - no
Ever had hair extensions - no
Paint your nails - no

-In the opposite gender-
What color eyes - dark brown
What color hair - black or brown
Shy or Outgoing - outgoing
Looks or personality - both
Sexy or Cute - sexy
Serious or Fun - both
Older or Younger than you - same age
A turn on - a gorgeous smile, height, ass, boobs, someone entertaining to talk to with a relative amount of sarcasm involved.
A turn off - short, fat, skinny, unladylike, curses, smoke.

-This or that-
Flowers or Chocolate - Chocolates
Pepsi or Coke - Coke
Rap or Rock - Rock
Relationship or One night stand - relationship
School or Work - school
Love or Money - love
Movies or Music - movies
Country or City - city
Sunny or Rainy days - sunny
Friends or Family - Loved ones =p

-Have you ever-
Lied - yes
Stole something - yes
Smoked - no
Hurt someone close to you - yes
Broke someone's heart - yes
Had your heart broken - yes
Wondered what was wrong with you -yes
Wish you were a prince/princess - no
Liked someone who was taken - yes
Shaved your head - no
Been in love - yes
Used chopsticks - yes
Sang in the mirror to yourself - yes

-Favorites-
Flower - rose
Candy - anything
Song - The calling - anything
Scent - anything that's pleasing to my nose
Color - white
Movie - anything
Singer - no one in particular
Word - O my
Junk food -Pringles
Website - joel-thewholenineyards.blogspot.com
Location - oceans, mountains etcetera
Animal - dog

Ever cried over someone - yes
Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself - nope
Do you think you're attractive - yes =)
If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose - i'm living my fairytale!
Do you play any sports - yes

The rules:-
Link to your tagger and post these rules.
List (8) random facts about yourself and tag (8) people

1. I love melissa foong
2. I drink nescafe
3. I have solitary moments
4. Believes in faith
5. Finds the word Love a very strong word
6. Looking forward for college
7. I try to not curse
8. I love to Love

8 people I tag: I only want response from these 2 people =p

Vinod
Shawn

2008-03-14T12:29:00.001+08:00

who won't pretend
who understands how i feel
who keeps me real
who wants me there
it's daunting;
as my eyes are opened
i realize.

Curve

2008-03-11T19:14:00.005+08:00

Sanctuary

2008-03-06T18:30:00.001+08:00

I find peace when im confused
I find hope when i'm let down
I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end

LOL lah

2008-02-27T14:12:00.002+08:00

as i was browsing through my folders, i came across this video we made last year. We were at McD's, where we decided to drive uber slow, at the "drive thru" area. We were being stared like bunch of idiots by the many who were there. LOL lah.

Random

2008-02-27T14:09:00.002+08:00

Happy Anniversary!

2008-02-24T20:51:00.003+08:00

1 month, and it feels like forever. As i reminisce, my heart tears into a million sweet memories!. It's amazing how everything sailed. Your laugh alone humbles me. Your smile softens me inside. A total angel.

Happy Anniversary, Baby!
I love you!

And i laugh.

2008-02-23T19:29:00.002+08:00

I'm being rather nostalgic. And i crack myself up, on how i do not miss school 1 single damn bit. It's amazing.

2008-02-23T15:58:00.000+08:00

I miss you!

Ahhh...

2008-02-21T03:20:00.013+08:00

Yes I know, i've mentioned her several times, but i just can't get enough of her!

From that dropdead smile, the husky voice, those huge mesmerizing eyes. Clear sophisticated elegance, ladylike, feminine, with a touch of innocence, knows her style, with a one of a kind background. Along with, a pertinence of "masculinity" yet softness and gentleness, sex appeal, icon, that appeals so bright, and just glows! She takes the tv show "onetreehill" to a whole new level, having the want, to watch it more cause of her!. The after show effect lingers within me.

the one and only..

SOPHIA BUSH
that smileeeeeeeee! *faints*

As i stare

2008-02-19T23:43:00.005+08:00

Frequently, i have this tendancy where I shut myself down from everything and ponder about everything that revolves around me. As i look back into the past, i am thankful for everything that happened; the good and the bad. There are moments where i lose conscience of myself; like i don't know myself anymore, and a big fat slap comes across my face. But i thank god for it, as i grow.

ANYWAY

I came to realize that I have this liking for sophisticated chic refined, elegance. No, nothing to do with people; but the world. Something personal.

Valentines Day...

2008-02-14T22:28:00.020+08:00

And as i Look back, since day one, i gotta say that she's one person that i will never let go off. Real beautiful, inside out. Thank you, for being there for me throughout and for being really concern about us. Thank you, for showering me with care and love. And lastly, for all the beautiful memories you've blown into my heart all this while, as it will always be in the depths of my heart..

Happy Valentines, Sayang
I love you...

ChineseNewYear

2008-02-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

RedJumpsuitApparatus - Face Down

Went over to Seremban for CNY.. It was great this year, considering the fact that i get to be with mel.. Nothing much, the usual catching up, etc..

OH, started la aahhaha!

I LOVE YOU

2008-02-03T13:59:00.000+08:00

Mandy Moore - It's Gonna Be Love

Only two hearts can understand. Feeling really grateful for one another, and knowing that despite anything and everything that comes along, albeit the society, parents, whomever..at the end of the day, it's our hearts that matters. I've shed tears, tears of happiness that is. Of overwhelming joy. This feeling of contentment for one another is a blessing from Him and Him alone. I'll cherish it, whole heartedly. Two hearts as one. I love you, sayang. Truly...

Hearts

2008-01-25T22:05:00.000+08:00

Sick Puppies - All the same

Probably the happiest and most memorable day of my life. Nothing's better than a nice environment, and the time together with someone you love. I'll make sure i have moments like these everyday.

RATHER

2008-01-22T23:47:00.000+08:00

Quietdrive - Time after time

I rather have a few that understands me, that i can share a hell of a great time with, who i can see myself loving whole heartedly, who truly understands that we are brought together, not by chance but because it's God's blessing, to go through a period of time in our lives.

To : melissa, joseph, vinod, fua.

DAMN.

2008-01-18T01:45:00.000+08:00

The All-American Rejects - Top of the world

Lately, I've been spending countless hours looking up on clothes on the net, let's say some things that i really want. And hell, I came across few things that got my jaw hanging. Costs a bomb, but yeah im getting them.

To Shamz : You take care of yourself okay!. I'll be praying.
Time to grow already! hehe (inside joke)

gone

JOB!

2008-01-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

Mandy moore - It's gonna be love

SOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo. Today, went looking for job. Ended up with Homefix in OU. Then the person incharged realised i stay in menjalara.

Thus i end up having a job in desaparkcity HOMEFIX which is even better. Lol. I start this Friday.

Then we went back to Dini's place with karmen and poemun. And we sorta played cards. And i lost all my money. Poemun got like few times in a row blackjack, which means "pay double"..I was like WhatTheShit -_-. Girls these days i tell you, damn good in CHEATING.

Gameplan

2008-01-11T22:35:00.000+08:00

Went for Gameplan with karmen,dini,hocksoon,pravin. Really touching movie i must say, a must watch!.. Tomorrow morning, it's radiance's place to play LIFE. I know, how lifeless, tell me about it.

~ I pray that this will be the best of us and it won't go wrong!
It's gonna be Love..

Us...

2008-01-10T15:16:00.001+08:00

upset

2008-01-07T03:03:00.001+08:00

i'm tired of being all alone
in this solitary moment.
when will the time come
and i wonder, yet again.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE

2008-01-06T00:33:00.000+08:00

Calling - Wherever you will go

Was invited to Jane's birthday party. Knew her since 12 :) . Started off with food etc..Then there was games. There were two teams, A and B(my team). And the team that loses, as usual has a punishment. The games settled with a tie, 2-2. The punishment was from contengthehand, hittingthehand to slappingtheface. At first Team A was so damn bloody cocky about how they pawned us the first round and all, but Sure as hell team B had a nice slapping round, that last round. And we all know who the real winner is rigggghtt =D.

"bloody hell u think i stupid, u conteng already right"

Darshanaa, that had to pay for what she did to me in the first round. =p

Birthday girl had a slap too =p

Overall, the night was childish, but fun so. who cares.

Sorry for the little pictures, as there were many more people there..Will upload if there's any.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE

December Babies

2007-12-20T02:44:00.000+08:00

Carrie Underwood - Don't forget to remember me

Sorry i have not been updating much lately, been caught up with emotions, and uhm lazy lol.

Birthdays. Every year, it's something.

Shawn Loong. Not really close to him, but still, we're brothers in christ so this is for him. He is hilarious. Can i say, the only person who accompanies me in counterstrike. Someone who i can really click with and uhm not boring lol. SarahTan fanatic(who's getting married to Jien btw) hahaah. Since it's your birthday im gonna be nice :D. Being mostly online buddies, hardly meeting up, I can tell that Shawn's a big guy with a soft heart, in other words a softie =p. Somehow i feel like i know you inside out hahaha. Glad i knew you man. Happy Birthday Shawn :)

Chan Karmen. Knew you since 11, 12? Always been the person who liked the same kinda music haha. Being super lame, and by saying this i mean REALLY LAME. like when she says something, i'll be like here we go again hahaha. funny and childish. Deep down, I still know you're a really mature person rigghhttt? =p. Someone with a nice personality, and also understanding =). Overall she's a real nice person, but right, the boyfriend i tell you.. ahahahahah. I'll see you tonight. Happy Birthday Karmen :)

Sarah Yong. Feels like i've known you forever. She's always there for me, vice versa. Someone i can rely on. Really caring, sometimes overthetop caring, and always anxious about things lol. Always asking me whether she should do this or that hahahah. You're a year older now, you can decide on your own already right? =p. And yeah, she's also the person who i talk to at 5 in the morning or so lol. Still waiting to go to her place to play that Nintendo Wii thing she has :D. Happy Birthday Sarah :)

twoheartsasone.

2007-12-18T19:18:00.000+08:00

I Need Love.

say hi to karmen

2007-12-02T00:38:00.001+08:00

Westlife - Open Your Heart

meet my friend karmen ;

the girl in white sitting beside me(blue)

A complete weirdo =p She says she wonders about things when she's in a car, etc. And i was like, everyone wonders. But, look at the things she wonders about.

C i C i says:
haha
C i C i says:
n kids too..
C i C i says:
y they will fall ar when they running?
C i C i says:
running running suddenly fall 1..
C i C i says:
andddddddd
C i C i says:
y did god created insects?
C i C i says:
they're so ugly..
C i C i says:
except for ladybugs

and..

C i C i says:
so y do u think birs fly in groups?
joel says:
they enjoy each others company?
joel says:
lol
C i C i says:
yea..
C i C i says:
imagine if you're flying alone..
C i C i says:
i mean, the sky is so big..
C i C i says:
it would b scary rite?
C i C i says:
fly alone..
joel says:
hahaha LOL LAH U
C i C i says:
dunno whr to go..

hahahahhahahahahahaha.

gorgeous

2007-12-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

Westlife - Miss You

Was at pyramid with a lot of schoolmates with iceskating and bowling. And my team won bowling thanks to my psychic techniques, thank you very much. Anyway, i was browsing through the net, and i came across this website that has millions of sophia bush's pictures and im not gonna share it with anyone as i am selfish =p. Simply dropdead gorgeous :D :D

she's so fine, i want her mine.
hahaha shut up.
And her smile, seriously kills!

2007-11-28T02:53:00.000+08:00

Calling - Chasing The Sun

Went for Stardust, it was really good to me, cause i was in the mood for this kinda movie, although im not a fan of fairytales. It's a nice lovefairytale story with a touch of hilarious scenes that made it all better. Then, few fellas crashed at my place, and we did nothing but talk shit all night till we slept at 7 in the morning. Anyway, im helping Reagan out to promote a website, since he asked me to. It's www.smash.com.my Go check it out, whatever that is LOL. Dead tired, so bye.

Doubts

2007-11-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

Vertical Horizon - Everything

As much as i want to forget, it just keeps coming back, bombarded by the many questions in my head. It makes me wonder sometimes why does God give us these feelings?. Time after time, as these feelings appear, tears begin to drop. I feel really lost and I hate it. Deep inside, i tend to look back and ponder, if only things worked out differently. Knowing it will never change and staring into hopeless faith, hurts more. After all this while, I just hope i can leave it all behind and start a new day without feeling like shit inside. If i were to just give up, would it actually matter?